Knowing

My heart is full. I say that often, but I always mean it.

I am grateful for a testimony of Heavenly Father and His son Jesus Christ.

With the new change of marriage laws today, I am so grateful that throughout my childhood and my youth, I have worked to strengthen my testimony of God's laws and doctrine. How blessed I feel to be able to discern from right and wrong. I believe in marriage between a man and a woman, but I also believe that every child of God deserves and has a divine right to be treated kindly and with respect. 

I have respected the beliefs of others, and in turn I expect the same respect from those who may not agree with me.

All my life, I have felt that I just know that God's plan is real, but as the world slips into an abyss far from morality, I must continue to act on my faith and continue to build my testimony. I do that by praying, reading and studying the scriptures, which are from God. I am not ashamed of my beliefs! I love the Lord! 

I am not perfect. I make mistakes. Yesterday I watched Friends and today I thought, "Why did I watch that? Yeah, the jokes are funny, but it condones behavior that I do not agree with. What does that mean? I don't want to be a mediocre follower of Jesus Christ. I want to be His disciple." With all of my heart, I want exaltation. I want to be with my Father once again, so I will keep trying to be the best I can. I will continue to hunger and thirst after righteousness. As a human living in this world, I will be tempted and make mistakes, but I can be clean again through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I believe in the great gift of the Atonement. I know that repentance is not about shame, but about having a change of heart and coming to Christ, and being filled with His eternal love.

Although the world may say I am a fool, I know that Heavenly Father loves me, knows my heart, and has a wonderful, happy, perfect plan. Nothing and no one will ever lead me astray. As I put my faith in the Lord, I find that I am filled with peace, and a deep sense of the love that reaches from the other side, surrounds me, and buoys me up. Going to the temple helps me to understand who I am, but also God's plan, and His doctrine. Acting on my faith by trying to love others and Jesus would and studying the truths of His Gospel strengthen me.

I know that it is by living the Gospel as best I can and loving others that I am able to know.

How I love the Lord! How grateful I am for His atoning sacrifice that grants me eternal life! I know I have a Father in Heaven who is loving, merciful and offers me His grace!

Happy Friday!

Father in Heaven

Yesterday I heard someone say that "Heavenly Father is like our father." I know that He IS my Father! My heart is filled with love for my Father in Heaven. The other day I was reading Gordon B. Hinckley's Stand a Little Taller. In one of the thoughts he writes, 

"Put on thy beautiful garments, O daughters of Zion. Live up to the great and magnificent inheritance which the Lord God, your Father in Heaven, has provided you. Rise above the dust of the world. Know that you are daughters of God, children with a divine birthright. Walk in the sun with your heads high. Know that you are loved and honored, that you are part of His kingdom, and that there is for you a great work to be done which cannot be left to others" (138).

I know that before I came to this earth, my Heavenly Father taught me about the responsibilities I would have here on Earth. I love Him, and that is why I want to do all I can to be true to my birthright. Each day I am trying to let my Divine Nature shine through. I know I'm not perfect, but I am trying, and Heavenly Father knows that-- He knows me and loves me! 

My heart is full every single day for a loving God who created me, gave me life and continues to fill my life with joy, happiness and peace as I stay close to Him and keep my covenants. No matter what, His love will never go away, never change-- it is eternal and everlasting! I feel His love even more as I make time to attend the temple.

How grateful I am for the temple which is the House of God! As I attend the temple with purpose and a prayer in my heart, I feel God's love for me and for His children. My spirit is home when I enter the doors of the temple.The temple gives me peace, but also helps me to understad the desires of my heart. I want exaltation. I want to live with my Father. I want to be there with my husband and children, my whole family. I know that Heavenly Father continues to prepare me for the things I need to accomplish in this life. A sure knowledge of God as my Father helps me to believe in myself and my capacity to do good; "to spread light and truth and understanding; to reach out to those in distress and need to help and bless them" (327). I have a grateful, believing heart. 

I love the Lord! I love my Heavenly Father! I desire to be a valiant servant in His kingdom! I want to do the great work that he has prepared for me!

Happy Friday!

Individual Worth

Running into and meeting old friends once more is usually a joyous occasion, and for me it is. I am grateful for the many people who have taken some sort of part in my life. They have changed me, helped me to become the person I am, and they have helped strengthen my testimony.

Now as a young adult, the second or third question I'm asked when seeing old friends is, "So are you dating someone right now? Are you engaged yet?" I am going to be frank right now and say that if I was, you'd probably know. It always makes me laugh when people ask that. I am grateful for friends and family who want the best for me. One phrase that is harder for me to appreciate is, "Maddie, someday, you'll get married to some amazing guy." That statement isn't rude or offensive, but there are times it makes me feel that my accomplishments don't matter that much, because I am not married yet, and I don't have a husband or a little home to take care of. 

Someday I will get married, but it will be on the Lord's timing. He has a wondrous plan for me, and I have many tasks to accomplish and responsibilities to fill in this life. I am reminded of a line in my patriarchal blessing which reads, "Heavenly Father has a time table of things that will happen when they will do you the most good and bring you the most joy in your life." I know that as I live righteously and become spiritually minded, having an eternal perspective, Heavenly Father will not withhold any blessings from me. Although I would like to be dating right now, I believe that those opportunities will come. I also believe that this time of being a single daughter of God allows me time to grow, become, and develop in preparation for my roles as a wife and mother. Even while I am discouraged sometimes, I know that with faith in my Father, I cannot go wrong. "Remember that his paths are righteous. Behold, the way for man is narrow, but it lieth in a straight course before him, and the keeper of the gate is the Holy One of Israel[...]" (2 Nephi 9:41).

How grateful I am for the peace that the Gospel of Jesus Christ brings to my life. Because of my knowledge of truth which comes from prayer and scripture study, as well as partaking of the sacrament and acting on faith and the desires of my heart, I need not fear or worry about my future. He knows me, and He loves me just how I am. Heavenly Father knows of my accomplishments, and He knows that they will help me to be a better woman, a more patient woman, an understanding woman. 

The moral force of righteous women in any standing is emphasized as D. Todd Christofferson taught, "Women bring with them into the world a virtue, a divine gift that makes them adept at instilling such qualities as faith, courage, empathy, and refinement in relationships and in cultures" (29). I am a woman, a single woman, but being single does not mean that I do not influence those around me. Heavenly Father rejoices in my desire to be a wife and mother, so He provides me with endless opportunities to let my divine nature show. 

Individual worth is not merely based upon physical beauty, dateability, or popularity, but on the heart. Do I have the Lord's countenance in my face? Am I happily living and keeping the covenants I have made? Do I love others and help them to see their own worth as a child of God? Am I striving to progress each day? That is what individual worth is all about. That's what this life on Earth is all about no matter the status of an individual: helping everyone to come to a knowledge of truth, goodness, and to feel the love of God.

Happy Wednesday!

Learn Wisdom In Thy Youth

I love going to church every Sunday. I love church because, I am blessed to partake of the sacrament and receive answers to life's challenges. Lately I haven't felt like I have been doing the best I can, and that happens sometimes. Waking up yesterday, I decided that it was a new day. I had the desire to go to church and to renew my covenants with the Lord. The little struggles of motivation I've had lately were addressed, and I really did receive answers. I am grateful that Heavenly Father blesses us with the answers and solutions we need as we put our efforts forward, become humble, and have a willing heart.

One thing that gives me a lot of peace is going to church early. I love to sit in the quiet chapel and think about my week as I prepare to take the sacrament. Yesterday I was there early, and I decided to look at the hymns. I forget now what hymn it was, but I noticed the scripture was in Alma, so I looked it up. God really does know the desires of my heart. I read Alma 37:35-40, which reads:

35 O, remember, my son, and learn wisdom in thy youth; yea, learn in thy youth to keep the commandments of God.

36 Yea, and cry unto God for all thy support; yea, let all thy doings be unto the Lord, and whithersoever thou goest let it be in the Lord; yea, let all thy thoughts be directed unto the Lord; yea, let the affections of thy heart be placed upon the Lord forever.

37 Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings, and he will direct thee for good; yea, when thou liest down at night lie down unto the Lord, that he may watch over you in your sleep; and when thou risest in the morning let thy heart be full of thanks unto God; and if ye do these things, ye shall be lifted up at the last day.

38 And now, my son, I have somewhat to say concerning the thing which our fathers call a ball, or director--or our fathers called it Liahona, which is, being interpreted, a compass; and the Lord prepared it.

39 And behold, there cannot any man work after the manner of so curious a workmanship. And behold, it was prepared to show unto our fathers the course which they should travel in the wilderness.

40 And it did work for them according to their faith in God; therefore, if they had faith to believe that God could cause that those spindles should point the way they should go, behold, it was done; therefore they had this miracle, and also many other miracles wrought by the power of God, day by day.

These verses gave me the council I needed. I want to let my thoughts and heart be directed to the Lord. I know that as I put my faith in the Lord and exercise my faith, I will know and follow the paths that the Lord has set before me, and I will become a better person and daughter of God each day.

As it was Mother's Day yesterday, the talks in sacrament meeting were about women and their divine nature. Those men were so inspired by the spirit. I knew that because their testimonies filled me with the love that God has for me. Sometimes, I am too hard on myself for falling short, very short, of perfection. I remember in one of the talks someone said, "It is okay that you aren't perfect because, you are so good. You are goodness." The men spoke about the influence women have in helping others to feel the love of God in their life, to become better each day, and to complete Heavenly Father's plan. I know that I have a purpose on this earth, and I intend to fulfill that in every way. I am grateful for the Atonement of Jesus Christ that enables me to become a Goddess someday to rule and reign with my husband. How great shall be my joy when I can stand before the Lord and tell Him that I did my best to love others and to help them become the daughter or son of God He knows they are!

I am grateful for a loving God who grants me His grace. I know that in the House of the Lord, I learn my purpose in eternity and my responsibilities, as well as my divine nature and role as a woman in His great and glorious plan. I know that Heavenly Father cares about me, and even the small things in my life. The Gospel of Jesus Christ brings such joy into my heart and helps me to know who I am and who I want to be.

Happy Monday!

A Faith Filled Woman -- Family History Story

For a long time now, I've enjoyed the time I have spent doing family history and genealogy. The most exciting part of the process, for me anyway, is learning the stories of my ancestors lives. Some of the stories have been surprising, heartbreaking, funny, romantic, sometimes tragic. Throughout all of the work I've done, I began to notice that I come from a family filled with working women, and I am so proud of that.

When I was younger, my dad showed me an envelope filled with a stack of yellowed paper, but I didn't know at the time how much I would come to treasure that yellowed stack of paper. I later discovered that the envelope was filled with letters dating back to 1896. Most of the letters were written by my great great grandfather, George Alma Varney to his wife, Emeline Elizabeth. She went by the name Libby. George Alma was on a mission for three long years leaving Libby home to raise their many children. Reading through the letters continues to be a tender experience for me. I laughed because there were several times where after George had written something humorous, he followed with, "Hahaha!" Isn't that amazing?! That was absolutely amazing to me. A letter from 1897...

Reading my great great grandfather's personal letters to his family helped me to know what kind of man, father and husband he was, but also what an amazing woman Emeline was. I remember one letter, which had me in tears. He wrote,

"You said in your letter that you was so busy last week you could not write. Mam (his wife Libby), their is no use of you trying to kill yourself with work, because I am not home. I know you have a trying time to get along & I feel at times to shed bitter tears to think about the poor circumstances we were in when I left you. I know you have had to toil & labor to keep things rearing as they should be. All the consolation I can get is to retire into the woods & bow myself before the great I Am and ask him to lend us a helping hand & console us in our trying times, which we have to go through, and to open the windows of heaven & shower down his promised blessings upon out heads, and give unto us his Comforting Spirit to cheer & comfort our hearts at all times when I am absent from you."

George Alma having great faith in the Lord fulfilled the call for a mission in the Southern States leaving his wife to run the farm, raise their children, and keep her job as a midwife. I can only imagine how hard that must have been on both of them.

Learning about my great great grandmother, Libby, has been a miracle in my life. About a year ago when I started teaching the family history class, I challenged my class members to choose an ancestor whom they did not know, and to research their lives-- see what they could find in a week. I chose Libby. It was hard for me to find anything about her. Those who could give me insight into her life had already passed on, and although some small memories of her were shared with me, they weren't exactly what I was looking for. I knew that she was a midwife in American Fork, but that was about it. The letters hadn't been discovered at that point, and so naturally I was a bit discouraged.

I prayed fervently for Heavenly Father would show me the way, telling Him that my desire was to know my great great grandmother. As the end of the week was nearing, I expressed my frustration to my mother, because I really hadn't found sufficient information. She said, "When your grandpa Penny died (Libby's son), I took something of hers for your sister. (My sister is named Libby). I think she has it." So I made a phone call and then headed to my sister's house. The cross-stitched wall hanging had fallen behind a bookshelf, so my brother-in-law had to move it to get the hanging for me. As he moved the shelf and pulled out the wall hanging, I felt the spirit burning through me testifying of the eternal love my great great grandmother had for me. She knew of my efforts, and Heavenly Father knew my intent. Crossed stitched by my great great grandmother, on an eighty year old piece of paper, the hanging reads boldly, "Remember Me."

How grateful I am to have such a faith filled woman to look to in times of trial and challenges. Grandma Libby was a stalwart woman, a support to her husband, a Godly mother, a pillar in the community, and beloved by many. I pray that I will become even half the woman she was and is! One of the greatest desires of my heart is to know my ancestors so that when I someday return to my Heavenly home, I will rejoice with them, and it will be the sweetest reunion. I know that my great great grandmother Emeline Elizabeth Chipman Varney watches over me, and she'll help me to become the woman and Daughter of God that Heavenly Father needs me to be.

I love my great great grandmother, and my heart is bursting with gratitude and love for such a faith filled woman.

Happy Tuesday!

He Knows Me!

Today I've been thinking about everything I have to accomplish in the next three days. Usually I'm not much of an emotional person, but there are a couple of things that get me, and one of those is school. My poor little heart has a hard time accepting anything other than an A, which is sort of stupid, and stressful. Each time I start to panic, I have to remember that Heavenly Father loves me, and He knows me. That is such a comfort to me! It's amazing how every little aspect of my life is directed back to that knowledge and truth.

Sometimes, when I start to think that I'm not good enough in anything, I remind myself that Heavenly Father will always be on my side. He knows me! He knows me! He knows me! I am in His Hands. No matter what life brings to me, I'll always know that I am His daughter.

My ward started this thing about confessing weaknesses. Well, there's one big one for me: Sometimes I see how wonderful people are, but I forget to see what's so wonderful about me. I'm grateful for the perfect love that Heavenly Father has for me. I know that He encourages me, and does not discourage me or make me feel bad about myself. Thinking back over my life and the hard stuff I've gone through, I'm amazed at how much I've grown, and Heavenly Father is so proud of that. He's so proud of how far I've come. He knows who I need in my life, and He knows why I am where I am. He sees my talents and accomplishments, and He is so proud of me.

My visiting teachers shared a message with me about the woman with an issue of blood who touched the garment of Jesus and was healed. She was inflicted for twelve years. That's a long time. And she kept building her faith all of those years, so that when the Savior came, she would be healed. How that woman is an inspiration and guiding influence in my life! I pray that I will develop the proactive patience that woman had-- that my faith will be just as bright as hers.

I have struggled a lot with various things, but you know, the peace of the Gospel of Jesus Christ fills the cracks of sadness and heartache. The seemingly trivial challenges of my life are not trivial to God. I have a sure knowledge that as I try each day to look to God, I'll be given the added strength to wade through my challenges no matter how big or small they are.

Although at times it's difficult for me to see my talents, I know that as I turn to the Lord, He'll show me, and He'll help me to see who I truly am. As I try new things and put myself out there, and reach out, the Lord will not withhold any blessings from me! My heart is filled with gratitude each day for the everlasting grace of God. Each day I desire more and more to be a righteous Daughter of His, a vessel for filling and an instrument for doing.

Happy Monday!
       

You can do it.

I've always wanted to be a teacher with the one exception of ten-year-old me wanting to be a labor/delivery nurse (EW!). Thinking about that now makes me physically sick. Bodily fluids=very sick Maddie.

Today I finished reading a Sherman Alexie novel titled The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-time Indian. I loved it. One passage hit me particularly hard:

"Do you know how amazing it is to hear that from an adult? Do you know how amazing it is to hear that from anybody? It's one of the simplest sentences in the world, just four words, but they're the four hugest words in the world when you put them together. You can do it" (189).

I remember sitting in my twelfth grade science class and the kid sitting next to me said, "I"m going to fail the test. I can't do it. I don't think I'll go to college." In high school, I was sort of quiet and to myself, but when the boy said that, I promptly responded to him saying, "You CAN do it! You are intelligent, but you have to work for it. You have to apply yourself, but you can do it!" I didn't think my little soapbox speech did anything, but then the day we took our final, he approached me and said, "Maddie! I did it! I got a B+!" My heart was beaming with pride. Not so much that the kid got a good grade, although that was part of it, but I was proud of him because he was proud of himself, and he believed he could do it. 

I believe in those four words! I plan on saying them a lot when I'm a teacher, because teenagers deserve that, and they need it. Every day it amazes me that teenagers are even functioning with all of the garbage they have to wade through, but they do it! In big, bright, beaming letters, 'You Can Do It!' will be plastered in my classroom.

Happy Thursday!